Why I couldn't cry for Karabo

Focus on guilt will always breed fear, and focus on innocence will always breed love. Any time we project guilt onto someone else, we are fortifying the experience of guilt within ourselves. Like blood on Lady MacBeth's hands, we cannot remove our own guilty feelings as long as we are judging others. Marianne Williamson

The above words taken from A Return to Love, A reflection on a course of Miracles is a haaaaaard pill to swallow for me, but as a light worker and a love activist it's my duty to try.

I met Karabo only once and she had a profound impact on me. Last year I attended a Women's Day event hosted by my home cell, Kings and Queens. Karabo, this beautiful, kind faced young woman welcoming us in, she was the MC of the evening. She compassionately interviewed incredible women in our fellowship drawing wisdom from their stories of how God gave them queenship over their lives. She deeply drank in their words and shared her own insights. She recited an incredible poem she wrote and these words struck me "What kind of man thinks himself so cheap to believe all he has to offer is his wallet" I was blown away by the wisdom of someone so young. Afterwards I thanked her and proposed we create a women's TV show. Regrettably I never followed up. I didn't cry when I heard she was gone.

Karabo is the second person I know who was killed by someone she loved. The first was my friend and colleague Zanele who was shot by her ex boyfriend in a double suicide in front of their 3 year old daughter. The little girl sat soaked in her parents blood for hours before security found her wandering in the complex. Zanele was truly the most gentle, kind-hearted person I'd ever met. She always, ALWAYS had a smile on her face. I was devastated when I heard but I didn't cry for her either.

I couldn't cry, because I am these women. There's nothing that separates us. So mourning their loss would make it too real, too close, too final. I couldn't cry, until yesterday.

Yesterday on Mothers Day, I went church to worship before I go up with the rest of the youth ministry. As we sung Bayethe, Bayethe, Bayethe I had a vision. I saw Karabo sitting next to Jesus and she's giggling, Jesus gives her those over loving hugs we annoy our children with and Karabo playfull tries to get away. Zanele comes in and takes Karabo's hand and they walk off arms linked, casually chatting, totally at peace. They both look through me and their faces pray, "They (those who killed them) didn't understand who they were." I instantly breakdown in a deep, loud mournful cry in the middle of worship. I fall on my knees, a tsunami of pushed down emotions, surfacing. My whole body shook as I cried for my sisters and brothers, my brothers who tainted love with fear.

I was inconsolable. Those around me trying to get me to drink water and get prayed for, could sense I was not slain in the spirit but that I was a woman in deep deep mourning.

I cried for the forgetful ones. Those who forgot their innocence and instead feed from the light of others. I cried for a nation at war with itself. A nation gashed and wounded and septic, infecting everything with violent faith in lies. I cried and shook and mourned for us, for myself. I asked God, why are we as women under attack? A women is killed by someone she knows every 8 hours, HOW!?

The Holy Spirits's answer: "Men are attacking themselves through you (women), through the ones who brought them here. It's a form of suicide. If all women die, humanity will only last one generation, and soon men will die too. Humanity is attacking itself. Humanity is carrying a great guilt, believing the earth is better off without human beings destroying everything it sees. There is no separation, no man vs woman. There's only love and the perception of your collective hell. Killing off women is an escape trap for men who refuse to spiritually, emotionally, psychologically grow. If women are gone, so goes the expectation to be healed and whole, to face thier demons as men and grow wings. Women are a mirror.The harder you press a woman down the higher she soars. Women are a mirror of the power of love, vulnerability, gentle strength and forgiveness. Some men don't want to look that deep within themselves, afraid they'll only find endless darkness. Men believe themselves to be too fragile, unable to handle soft powerful power." This is mind blowing, Men take another man by the hand and help them heal before its too late.

I've seen something magical happen with the men around me since Karabo made headlines. Yes there's the #menaretrash going around but I've noticed an awareness of our shared experience. Men saying enough is enough, our daughters, wives, sisters and mothers will no longer live in fear of us! A rising solidarity and a call to higher is coming from men to men. Brothers holding each other accountable. This is what I need to focus on. I can already see my view of men is getting tainted, blood stained, and this threatens my own innocence. I refuse to sink into the murky water of unfrorgiveness. Lovelessness will not win. As a love activist, I'm really being put to the test, having to direct love to the seemingly "unlovable" and W.O.M.A.N is the platform to do it.

W.O.M.A.N started as an art experience I conceived last year. I though it was a great way to launch Brainbow Conscious Creatives and showcase our talent. Well God hijacked the whole thing. Now its evolved as a healing story experience where we create a platform for women by women to mourn, heal and celebrate. Through various art mediums this love spreading event will tell the story of how a woman moves from victimhood to victoryhood. Together we will heal, grow and raise the frequency of abundant love. This immersive spiritual art experience will take place in August, on women's month.

We have decided to dedicate W.O.M.A.N to Zanele and Karabo and to all those affected by femicide. So as I work hard to breed love by focusing on their (men) innocence I leave my brothers and sisters with this reminder:

FYI by Chule The Love Activist (see video here)

For your information, you are unbreakable.

For your information you cannot be victimized.

How can you take from the infinity that is you.

IMPOSSIBLE!!!!

How can you steal from an ever over - flowing deep well?

For your information, you know the truth.The truth that you are so stunning the universe comes to a stop just to admire you, deareast of the most dear

For your information, you no longer believe lies.

For your information you are magic made real in this moment.

Every breath that emanates from your soul is breath taking.You are the everlasting goodness. You are abundance and lack nothing.

Do you know why?

Because the love that brought you into this moment.The love you are is, and always will be Untaintable. .

So stop trying to escape your own greatness.Stop pretending to be small.Stop lying to yourself.

You love with a head turning love.You, yes you, are so blindingly brilliant that words haven’t been invented to describe you fully and they never will.

So as the planet, the stars and the ever expanding universe ecstatically make space for you to be.Please BE!FYI you are perfect. FYI you are insurmountable.FYI…

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#spiritualgrowh #AfricanWoman #storytelling #femicide #SouthAfrica #Healingthenation #Menvswomen #MarrianneWilliamson #RIPkarabo #menaretrash #spirituality