Nyaope is a highly addictive street drug. Made from a cocktail of dagga, low grade heroine and ARV’s. It's extremely dangerous and widespread. Victimhood is a highly addictive soul drug. Made from a cocktail of your past, your experiences and the pain “induced” by others. It’s extremely dangerous and widespread.
I have decided that my life’s mission is to eradicate victimhood from our human experience. Why? Because victimhood is a killer, a dream stealer and a taker of all things good. I should know it was my drug of choice, my chosen slave master.
“A victim mentality is made up of individuals who are cynical of self-actualization. Specifically, the pervasive belief that one's efforts are always undermined by the actions of someone or something else, particularly someone or something more powerful. The perceived oppression might have occurred in the past, or it might be on-going”.- Tommy J. Charles
Victimhood is that liar in our heads that tells us “No, don’t speak up, you can't change anything, remember what happened last time?” It’s a sneaky bugger because it feeds on actual events to make its case,.Your failures and the failures of others are its fuel. It’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing, promising to keep you safe, while purging you of your life force. I should know, I was literally the mayor of Victimville.
Thank God for crisis.
2012 was the year I could no longer support my habit and when my rehabilitation began. After many failed pseudo relationships, back and forth, bouncing from penis to penis I found myself pregnant by a man 5 years my junior. I had chosen this man many times over the 3 years of our on and offness. I had chosen him because I knew he was emotionally, spiritually and psychologically unavailable, which suited my secret fear of commitment. Victimhood was great fun! After 10 years of “dating”, of 3 month long stints and break ups and back on the wheel again, I could blame it all on “those dogs” when things fizzled. I mean I was loving, sexy, smart, spiritual so in my mind I could never be the cause of the relational collapse. Never the cause of man after man just wanting to “kick it.”
The scariest words you can say to a victim is “you create your reality.” And I was petrified.
So at the age of 27 I found myself at Hilbrow Hospital blood on the floor of the entrance, cueing to see how far along I was. This would determine if I could get an abortion or not. I thought at the most I was 6 weeks pregnant. The scan revealed a 12 week old human being, hands and toes, fully formed. The self-loathing and fear of disappointing my mother gripped me so hard, in my victimized, powerless mind it made more sense to die than keep the baby. I almost did die having to go back to the clinic the next day after almost fainting from high levels of pain during the procedure.
After the abortion I found myself skating through the year. My heart, my soul completely covered over by ice. I drank excessively, partied like there was no tomorrow, over ate and over re-acted, all just to distract from the pain of facing myself and my choices.
The faint wake-up call came when I woke up in my bed in Cape Town covered in blood with a severely sprained ankle. I had no idea how I had gotten home from my cousin’s birthday party the night before. I was confronted with my business partners concerned eyes who found me laying at the door, my belongs all over the street. I had apparently walked out of the club with my cousins and disappeared. I am guessing I got into a cab without cash and somehow directed the driver to where I lived. Having no money to pay, I must’ve have given him my phone as payment. A strong voice, my loving heavenly father said, “one day you will succeed at destroying your life.”
“Every situation we find ourselves in is an opportunity, perfectly planned by the Holy Spirit, to teach love instead of fear. Whatever energy system we find ourselves a part of, IT’S OUR JOB TO HEAL IT – to purify the thought forms by purifying our own. It’s never really a circumstance that needs to change – it’s WE that need to change.” Pg 76 A return to love, A reflection on a course of miracles, Marriane Williamson
I had reached a point where I could no longer blame my mom, men or the world for my problems. As mercy would have it I would come face to face with the effects of my victimhood in the most gentle and subtle of ways.
October 2013 and I was reflecting on my failed relationships. Then it hit me, a simple statement just came into my awareness. “Men are people too.” This may seem obvious but to me, blinded by victimhood, it wasn’t. In my mind men were more powerful, heartless, in no danger of being hurt by me, They were ruthless, they weren't human, they weren't my brothers.
“Focusing on their guilt drives the nails of self-loathing more deeply into our own skin. Focusing on their innocence sets us free”- pg 92 A return to love, A reflection on a course of miracles, Marriane Williamson
In that moment men became my brothers, no longer my slave owners. When this hit me I realized how inhumanly I had treated them, because I believed only I could be hurt, unlovingly discarding them like used condoms.
All of a sudden all the times I had been heartless, defensive, distant and cold came to mind. I realized I wasn’t the victim, I was the perpetrator. I called my ex’s and apologized sincerely. A lot of self-forgiveness had to be done. Months later I met the love of my life, got engaged and had a beautiful baby girl. Literally a miracle appeared.
And then I started to see where else I had made myself the victim. In my own business and particularly my finances. I always blamed the film industry for the lack of growth, clients who never paid on time, business partners for being stuck in a rut. It was never my fault or my responsibility to make Brainbow or my life flourish. Until it was. The moment I took ownership for the state of my business and the mess of my finances, things really changed and are continuing to blossom.
Seeing my victimhood for the lie it was, set me free. It set me free to kick my life up a gear, freed me from anxiety and boosted my self-worth.
Victoryhood reminded me of who I am, an infinite being in a body, an on purpose purpose. It made my job as a light worker brighter and more urgent.
We see victimhood glorified everyday. We are told women are vulnerable, weak, powerless. These are all lies of victimhood but we do empower them with our belief.
Decisions based on victimhood are dangerous. They lead us to misplace our power in others and do a lot of damage along the way.
But once you are aware of your power, power to set the tone of nation and create a better world, please do it for yourself. Love and nourish yourself. Don't make other people unknowing thieves giving away what you don't have. You are pure gold, love made real. If you don't believe this you can't be it.
So ladies I implore us to take stock of the victims we have made in others by not believing in how incredibly gifted, beautiful, talented, needed, magnificent and significant we are. It could just save a life.
