So I’m in the process of re-doing the abundance clearing course. It’s been a tough two months financially. But it’s weird because we have done work or a project has been approved but now all of a sudden there’s a blockage when it comes to payments being made.
Last week I woke up seething with anger. I was so angry at God , at myself, at money, at Brainbow, at my clients. I thought I was over this already, yet I found myself back to broke AGAIN! Why was this happening again?! Why was I still stuck?! Why Me?! I went to the office still really angry. I powered up my laptop but desperately wanted to close shop, go home, crawl up into a ball and sleep. I’ve never felt that dark before.
But unfortunately for me I have a God who loves me and reminded me how powerfully my emotions manifest my life. That I have a choice to look for a better feeling place. MXIM! I hesitantly watched an infuriatingly inspiring video by Michael Bechwith (watch video here). In the video he talks about dis-empowering questions.
Here's how he breaks downs a problem:
“Behind every problem, there’s a question trying to ask itself. Behind every question there's an answer trying to be revealed. Behind every answer there’s an action trying to be taken. And behind every action there’s a way of life trying to be born” _ Michael Bechwith
In the video he implores us to ask empowering questions. What is trying to emerge? What gift do I have to give? How much power can flow through me? What is the Universe, God, Love trying to make as my life?!
So as infuriated as I was I had to ask: What is trying to emerge through this situation? And the answer gently made itself known:
“A permanent solution”
Hiyo God, what does that mean?
I decided to give my life to spreading love, hope and healing. I chose to share my journey of moving from lack in money, mentality, confidence to abundance. So I have to be an example of a life transformed. Just like the Israelites couldn’t possess the promised land without clearing slave mentality, I can’t cross over to true abundance unless I have cleared the lack mentality that keeps me enslaved.
I remember Christy Marie Sheldon (abundance coach check her out here ) saying “When you decide to make a change and go for abundance your soul, out of love will bring your junk to the front.”
And this is what is happening. My soul is showing me I still have some latent blocked energy about abundance that needed to be permanently dealt with.
So back on the abundance block clearing course I went. On the first session she says: “When we try to understand why something is happening and we dissect it, and play it over and over in our mind, we stand under it and can never get over it. We keep that old energy locked in. Be aware of the problem and relax knowing you can clear it out of your reality field”
At first this sounds counter intuitive. "Of course I need to dissect the problem so that I don’t repeat it again." Right? This method hasn’t worked for me because dissecting the problem, elegantly leads me to ask dis-empowering questions and keeps me locked into the problem. But if I recognize the problem and swiftly clear it by taking powerful action towards solving it, I’m no longer standing under it, trying to understand it.
That same week when I started the course Kutlwano one of the many loves of life and my business partner had a dream.
She dremt that Mukundi (another love and business partner) called us from the airport saying that she got our tickets to go to New York for a month. She told us our flight was at 1pm and to hurry to the airport, Tsepo would help us when we arrive. At that moment we were both at Kutlwano’s grandmothers house and had no clothes. Kutlwano rummaged her grandmothers closet and as she pulls out old clothes they transform to trendy, made to fit, beautiful outfits in her hands.
We manage to pack two bags and off we go. When we get outside we both have no cars so we weave our way through Rockville Soweto trying to get to the main road. As Kutlwano is asking for directions (in a hood she knows very well) I get lost. We meet each other at the main road relieved to have found each other.
We flag down a quantum taxi and throw money at the driver asking him to go straight to the airport (there was clearly no uber in the dream world). As soon as we relax we remember the small matter of passports. Kk rummages through her bag and finds her passport hidden in a small compartment. Quintine , my fiance meets us on the highway and gives me my passport.
We arrive at the airport at 1 pm on the dot. We run to the check in counter and Tshepo tells us the flight is closed. We make a huge scene, climbing on the counter refusing to take no for an answer. Tshepo calms us down, gets us another flight for 5pm and opens the gate to customs.
When we arrive on the international side our outfits and luggage transform into high end, luxurious travel wear. We meet up with an amazingly dressed and relaxed Mukundi at the slow lounge. She too has moved her flight to 5pm. The dream ends with Mukundi leisurely asking: “what shall we do while we wait?”
This dream is about our life. It’s about the power in our hands to transform something old into new and fitting for us. It’s about getting lost but always finding ourselves on the main road ready to journey forward. It’s about the resources, gifts and talents we have to empower this drive towards success. It’s about open access, that all gates will be opened for us because of our experiences, knowledge, creativity energy, our passports through life are valid and up to date. Its about not backing down and saying yes to the adventure. And its about relaxing into the faith-filled slow lounge of life, knowing your victory is guaranteed and letting the fun begin.
Ephesians 2:7-10 New Testament for Everyone (NTE)
7 This was so that in the ages to come he could show just how unbelievably rich his grace is, the kindness he has shown us in King Jesus.
Grace, Not Works
8 How has this all come about? You have been saved by grace, through faith! This doesn’t happen on your own initiative; it’s God’s gift. 9 It isn’t on the basis of works, so no one is able to boast. 10 This is the explanation: God has made us what we are. God has created us in King Jesus for the good works that he prepared, ahead of time, as the road we must travel.
This dream brought to my awareness that I still have faith in struggle and suffering. That my life can’t be a place of childlike curiosity, playfulness, fun, adventure and experimentation. I believe the lie that no one is going to pay me to be me! I believed i had to do what I have always done. Be “businessy” and sit in front of my laptop answering emails and putting out fires. It wasn’t good business to go out and talk to people. It wasn’t business to spend my day writing and playing with words. It wasn’t business to research experimental ways to tell stories. No that was fun, not business and business and pleasure do not mix, or so I have believed.
I realized that I cling to this old routine, that drains me of creativity and keeps me stuck because I’m scared to exercise faith. I’m scared to trust God or to trust that he really wants me to be happy. I’m scared to say yes to New York without preparation, clothes, transport or a passport. I still hold on to the belief that God wants me to suffer because it's good for me, it's “character building”.
Having to embrace fun, playfulness and love in my work would be something totally new for me. I would have to walk out in faith, jump and believe that the net will appear. it would require a dramatic change in thinking and being. I don’t know what would happen if I played at work and the unknown is scary.
But I’ve made my choice. I want to be the change. I want to be the example. I want to be the permanent solution. I want to create space for wonder and questioning. So daily I release my white knuckled grip on the old and challenge myself to do something new. Today we are going to go play with virtual reality and 360 degree video for the healing story experience we are crafting.
Today I reset the scene of my life, take 15 million and ACTION!
